So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
