Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
