I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
