I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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