I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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