You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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