Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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