it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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