It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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