remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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