My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
