Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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