I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
