We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
