fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
