All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
