It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
