my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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