you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
