i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
