awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I love you.
Bad choice
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize