when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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