Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
