so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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