Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
