8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
