they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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