For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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