Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
