can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
