My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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