We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
