can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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