i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
