The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
