she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
