guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
