i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found puke in my bra..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
