as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
