I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
