If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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