There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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