I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
