am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
