careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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