I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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