did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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