I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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