On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
