remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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