Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
