hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize