just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
