you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
