I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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