Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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