You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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