last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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