dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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