is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
